In Love With An (Ex) Stripper

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I get jealous. He says we’re each others, not officially, but in every other way. But hes not truly mine, and I get so jealous. He has so many female friends and while he says he turns the ladies away to focus his affections on me…Sometimes its hard to believe. He used to be a stripper, so he’s got his stripper friends, his porn star friends, his friends in high places. Im so afraid that if I fall too hard for him, I’m going to get seriously hurt. I only want him, but I dont think I’m enough for him. I cant compare to his size 0, 2, 4 gorgeous stripper friends. Im not as pretty, “talented”, or as interesting as them. It makes me think he’s playing some sort of prank. Leading me on as a joke. But it hurts to think thay because I can only think well of him.

lonely

I feel useless at times im treated differently ive been bullied for my deep voice since im a girl my mom doesn’t believe in me we barely even talk the only time we talk is when she has something negative to say and it hurts. At times i wanna runaway from this house from all the negative but i think of my father

Bad tempered boyfriend

Losing his temper is not the first time.Initially was just over my noobness.Now is almost everything i do is below his expectations. ;( Was it a big mistake..how we started was just my one-sided love eventually he gave me chance to walk on further. Am i being taken for granted. That’s real sad. He got pissed off easily since we were together for the pat 8 months. What can i do..

ADVICE: GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON – they are toxic!

Stuck mental grieving alone

Life long survivor of much.repeating known patterns ended up immigrating to Canada to be with guy later married..some stability and past trauma caught up.I supported him through long illness surgeries..but in the end I had a break down being so far from life I’d known..hes also mental so I had to go.He told me to go and I had nowhere so I got housing and stayed in Canada doctors advise but after a couple years we still tried to do what we could to be helpful to each other though separate.I thought we were going to try again though I am considered disabled with complex ptsd and couple other things they say I can’t work.He says if I work and make some money to help financially we can try again but housing and the city and more upsets I never get stable long enough..now he got a new apartment and I am still here alone..he says I have to want it.I never had charity to exist before.I have nowhere else to go.I have no one else..my grown kids have families and no matter where I go I will need to some help awhile.I have suicidal ideation my whole life and this is such a battle ..my mother died in January.we had much troubles..so the family is absent now.I feel I am grieving in every direction.my faith. my mother. my marriage /husband ..my country,I am american..But there’s no one or place I feel for me anymore.56 yrs old..female..just wondering am I alone.

Just want to express my anger

We shouldn’t be supposed to get so affected to someone. It ends hurting a lot. Although we don’t want to, we always fall in the same hole called love. Love feels good on the happiness moments but horrible on the sadness ones. And by this time, my memory is fuller with the saddest and not the happier ones.

 

 What is love for if it ends with death? What’s marriage for if it’s limited with ‘till death do us apart’? Shouldn’t it exist after death too if it’s so strong? Shouldn’t we love even if death comes?

 

 

 Why do you love someone that end cheating you? Why is so normal stop loving someone? That should not be called love. The concept of love is too strong for that happen. If you said you loved me by who I am how can that have ended? How could you cheat me with your feelings? I fell emotionally. I questioned life. And after all, the only thing that makes me still standing this hole shit is the anger inside me, my hate for you. Maybe I won’t have the opportunity to tell you this but I know this anger will be out of my heart slowly and one day I will not love you. So go, keep walking, please, just keep. Don’t ever come back. I will be better off without you.

Fake friends

I cried. i thought they were my real friends?  we used to talk about fake friends and stuff we used to be real close at least i thought we were she didnt even have the guts to tell me this herself.. and what hurts the most is i love them both so much :( no one knows i care or m hurting this much my heart litterally hurts class is going to suck i just hope life gets better

Wasted years

My wife of 8 years left me, we did not have any children together but she had 3 from a previous marriage. I was not able to even say goodbye to them. I had just started to accept that they would be the only kids I would ever have. Now I’m alone, and haven’t seen them in about 10 months. I was extremely nice thru the divorce, going out of my way to do things in hopes that I might get to keep a relationship with them. Once she got her money she didn’t hesitate to say I would never see them again. There is not a day goes by I don’t think about them and worry about how they are doing or what they think about why I quit coming home.

I’m almost 38 and feel like I have wasted some of the best years of my life, the worst part is, I don’t hate her no mater how hard I try.

sad

It is the night where I stop and over think what I have encountered on a daily basis. I am quite lonely in my perspective, yet I have no intentions on expressing myself to others. I am the girl where people create small talk with me, but when it comes to an awkward long tension, I do not know what to say next because I feel stupid, I do not get along with many people because I do not have the opportunity to go out and feel the sun on my skin, wanting to linger a smile for hours. I’ve never had that feeling. Ever. I am under pressure by the way people judge me, by means, my parents always know what is best for me. I know things will turn out fine, but they always create a fuss and add a negative to everything I try to do. People in my school thing I’m attractive yet dumb. Or maybe saying, “you’re asian, aren’t you supposed to be smart?”. I am sick of hearing that whenever I walk into a room and get atleast a question wrong. I’m not allowed to wear make up, but all I want sometimes is to feel pretty and to cover up some insecurities of mine. It’s hard for me to accept thr fact that my mother reminds me that I’m beautiful no matter what. But maybe I just want to fit in for once, getting some friends you know. It’s sad that my room is dull, no pictures, no memories seen in every corner. I’m just lonely. Always in my room, beside a lampshade doing work. I want to experience what people take in their pictures. Like hiking and traveling and partying without worries. I’m being held back to what I want to create memories. My parentd are too old to travel. I got no one to talk to when I’m alone at home, ever since my brothers moved out, it’s been quiet and lonely. But my father reminded me to count my blessings. I just wish i had a chance to feel free outside. Maybe someone who actually had my back.

THIS IS SO UNFAIR

i just want to release this feeling that keeps bothering me, i really dont know how will i start but i think i ll just begin as i talking to my partner.

 

youre so unfair and i hate it, i understand you whenever you do something stupid, i let do your thing and never ever say No to you, (well i said 2-3 no but i think i didnt go too far) all i want is to hangout with outside the campus, outside the weekdays or school days. let me ask you this, and weve been through this before. is being with everyday everytime is a hangout with you? are you having fun? youre making unexcused excuses that makes me look that im dumb. i never learned that when i ask you to hangout and the day comes, nothing happens youll excuse again yourself youll tell me that youre mom disagreed that you’ll leave the house today but when your friends ask you, you didnt bother to ask permission to your mom. LOL you’ll just go and hangout. even if youre 50 km away from them even if you dont have enough money you just wont let them down.

 

youre latest excuse is that you dont have money, but yesterday you went to a theme park with your classmates and friends. well actually i think the KARMA  hits you because your phone got broken. anyways, so youre two new lame excuses is that you dont have any money and phone, and you asked me this, “how am i supposed to text my mama and papa?” i just said … then you asked me where are we going then i told you that you decide and then you got mad because i was asking you. youre so funny. and AGAIN i asked you to just say if you dont want to then say it and then you told me that you dont want to go, and then hang up the phone. i think i deserve better than hanging up a phone haha.

 

 

 

you told me this the other day;

 

    • i feel like im being an unfair boyfriend

 

    • do you wanna hangout

 

    • i miss you lets hangout, i dont want to be unfair

 

    • do you want to come with us

 

 

Oops then it hit me YEEEES!!!! atlast he knew he was unfair, but for like what 2 hours?!!

 

IM SO DONE HAHAHAHA, ill just laugh instead of crying dont ever think that ill beg for you i want to say something a bad word actually but i am a classy gal.

 

 

 

I HOPE ONE DAY YOULL READ THIS.

 

 

 

X.

 

 

 

AND OH BEFORE I FORGOT THANK YOU GRIEF POST!!!

emotionally fed up

I’m a typical perfect daughter who get high grades, obey rules, obey my parents but being perfect doesn’t exist. Today my father told me if I already did what he instructed ke to do but unfortunately I haven’t done it yet and because of that single mistake he said I’m worthless how could I haven’t done a simple thing. Then I wonder how could he say that I’m worthless when I always get high grades. How could he say that I’m worthless when all I ever do in my whole life was to obey and please him even though I sacrifice my happiness. He post status in social media that his so proud of me but can’t tell it right in my face. Another problem is that I can’t move on. My mother died last Feb 2015 and it’s so sudden. We were just talking about me attending to prom and she said she would be the one to join me on stage when I graduate but all of our plans go to waste. I haven’t tell her how much I love her and need her. Our memories always hunt me. I even didn’t cry during her funeral and I don’t even know why. Everytime someone share stories about their mothers I feel jealous because they still have a mother to hug, a mother to lean on, a mother who would always care for you. To summarize my story I live in a life full of sorrow, pretentions and pressure. Its hard to act strong and brave when deep down you’re terribly hurt and damaged.

How to know if he’s rejecting me

We’ve been dating for 7 months and recently just like 2 wks ago we got into a petty disagreement and I pretty much told him it was over for us to stop dating it was basically the heat of the moment and well I guess he agreed with it because he did not call me or did anything just told me he was disappointed with my decision but that he respects me… But honestly I’ve been missing him not sure if what I did was stupid I just felt a certain way today I sent him my test scores bc he knows I’ve been taking this very important course in which he was motivating me about so I felt the need to share it with him and he responded pretty nice told me he was really happy for me etc shared some nice motivating words and told me he wants me to do big things so I said thank you and told me you welcome! Don’t be a stranger! And I just don’t know what to think really I tend to hold myself back a lot so I need any advice right now