I just hope that if I write how I feel down it might take some of the pain away.
My dear dad passed away about 3 weeks it was very sudden and an awful shock. He just turned 64. i feel so lost without him. it seems like no pain in the world could compare to the pain I go through when im alone in my room and suddenly I have these much of images of him in my head.We didnt have the greatest relationship but i know that he knew I loved him so much. Grief is the price we pay for love, It’s the other side of the same coin. But this doesn’t give much comfort. I’m suppose to try and go back to my “normal” life this week. I’m so scared I won’t be able to do it. Break downs happen daily and little things do it. I just can’t believe he won’t be around.
People say it gets easier and this is one of the hardest parts…but doesn’t seem like it I think about him every single moment and still miss him so much and I want him back
Editors note: Sorry to hear about your dad… may not be much, but try checking out losingyourparents.org for some support… and keep writing here if you want to express yourself.
The world we live in was once a beautiful place, but then we started to create things that do not belong, everything was over analyzed and greed became the priority of life. Now money is al that matters and this world is coming to an end. Without money we die and with it we do as well. Everything created in this world has negative effects on the planet and its been robbed from the beauty. Nature is the one thing everyone loves because its what we were meant to live and experience but the more we build the less there is, the more toxins and fake things exist and the less reality exists. Our generation is born too late to do anything about it and thats why everyone is depressed, the happy ones are those who choose to ignore it and continue to build to everyones death. The animals are dying, the plants are dying and we are also dying. Suicide isnt an option in my book neither because if I die it would still bring misery to the others arround me. I can still be happy but I have to join the rest, and deep down ill always know the truth that lies behind the masked pain of this world. I just want everyone to be happy, for the world to restore its beauty but its too late. Eventually we will parish from what weve done and the world will restart hopefully without us but until then we are trapped and torchered inside the vicious cycles we have created. People continue to hate themselves because of what were told is perfection but perfection does not exist, none of this world does, the only thing real is the nature and life that remains for now even though its all vanishing. Our transportation, homes, food, entire lifestyle are all toxic to our minds, bodys and planet. I just wish there was a way we could restart and never of existed, be wipped of the face of the planet like if none of this ever happened, even never being born wouldnt help me because this planet and its being still have to suffer. I! cant give up on life because it will kill me and I cant try because it will kill me too. There is no winning in this life. Nothing I can do but try my best to help others and maybe just maybe people will realize the truth, but even then the truth will hurt them just as it hurts me, its too painful for people to accept or do anything about it. We are all born to die in the hostile, cruel, sick fucking world. We try and cure our mental and physical illnesses with our technology but thats what caused it in the first place. EVERYTHING we created is killing us slowly and I cant bare to watch this wolrd burn and parish but there isnt really another option now is there?
So my Dad died 2 months ago. I’m 26, he was 56. My mom died when she was 45, 7 years ago. After that I left California and romped across the Western states for several years having adventures, fun, finishing up my degree and learning about myself. I came home to be with my Dad before his surgery. He had finished his chemo and was getting his cancer removed. The surgery went great but he got pnuemonia in the hospital and died 2 months after terrible suffering. It devastates me to think about how much he had to suffer just to die… I’m in California now, but don’t want to stay here yet I have no idea where to go. My old friends here are shit- only one has reached out to me and that was only for a loan since she knows my dad’s death left me somewhat less poverty stricken. What a jerk. Just feeling alone, sad and lost. I know things will look up, no doubt about that- but when and how? Tired of being tired… have had enough loss.
Hurt and confused. I just cannot seem to get things right. I allow people to hurt me all the time. I try to find the good in a person no matter what their issues are but i stay getting hurt. why me ? Lord I need you more and more.
I think I’m falling in love with a girl. Problem is, I too am a girl.. Ive never felt this way towards a girl before. We met late last year and we’ve become close friends ever since. We go to the same university and I see her very often. But during the exam season (which is ongoing now), she doesnt go to the library and stays at home. It’s driving me nuts that I cant see her. I think about her everyday and it sucks that I’m always the first to text her. Makes me feel like she doesnt miss me at all. AM I BI? I dont want to be. She is definitely straight. She loves dick. I love dick too. lol. Like I said, this is my frist time feeling this way.
I do have a female bestfriend whom I have known for years and love to death. But it’s different. Ive never felt this way before. With this girl, I actually want to kiss her. i think about her literally everyday. It’s even affecting my revision even. I havent been studying because Ive been so emo. Just had to let that out. I really have to start studying or I’m screwed. 3 consecutive exams the day after tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Editors Note: bi is okay, gay is okay. It’s all okay just be yourself and you’ll live a happy life!
Today in school, I got called fat by two boys. The whole math class was dead silent and heard their opinion. I weigh 130 pounds and I try so hard to stay slim.. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been going through a rough time lately, this added more onto my chest. I feel like I’m just always being judged. Like I’m never good enough.. Maybe because I’m really not.
Editors note: You’re beautiful. Inside and out. The universe made you perfect. If you don’t feel comfortable with your body, all you have to do is get involved in a sport where you move more Eat more veggies and healthy food, less french fries and fried stuff. Pretty soon, they’ll be wishing they could date you and you’ll be like – no way
they said they hate everything i do. but at the same time they said everybody make mistake
I am writing this to tell my story, I just need to get it out. When I was 2 years old my parents got divorced, I didn’t really understand it at that age. When I was 4 years old, I was at day care, everyone went to the park near the house but I decided I wanted to stay inside. The father that ownded the day care stayed there with me while the mother brought the others to the park… That day is the day I will regret forever. I regret not going to the park. I was sexually abused by the father that stayed there with me. I always will regret not going to the park… Starting in 1st grade my mom and dad had me put in therapy. I was in it until the 4th Grade. I was diganosed with minor depression in 2nd Grade, but it has gotten worse over the years. The only reason my parents took me out of therapy is because they wanted to put me on an antidepressant. When I was 8 my mom got remarried. I liked my step-dad, not anymore… He abused my mom and they always got into fights. Most times I would get blammed for the fights. My mom tried to commit suicide 3 times; one of those times she almost succeeded. Age 10: I had told my dad all that has been happening at my mom’s house. Because of that they went to court and now my dad has full cussody of me. At age 11 my mom got into a serious car crash and almost bleed to death. The accident happened because my step-dad was driving while intoxicated and he crashed into a tree and my mom went through the window. I was really scared when I heard because she had been in a coma. She was fine but had to have a serious back surgery. Age 12: When I started self-harming… I felt like there was no other release besides this. I still self-harm but I am getting help… There is one person that helped me through all of this, I will call them “L”. L and me met in 3rd grade and became very close by the 5th grade. T! his past year, I was close to ending it, then L noticed something was really wrong. So, I told L things that he didn’t know yet and what I have been doing to myself… L has really helped me through all of this. If it wasn’t for L I wouldn’t be here right now… My advice for anyone that is struggling: You are BEAUTIFUL darling, don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise. NEVER give up, and ALWAYS know that you are NOT alone. There is always a little bad in the good times and a little good in the bad times. Make sure you always look for the good in every situation. If you are thinking of ending it, DON’T. There is someone out there that NEEDS you here, because without you, they would be nothing. If you left, that person might think of leaving to just to be with you. PLEASE don’t end it darling, you’re life is precious, so LOVE it. Thanks for listening
It hurts.. not physically .. but mentally seeing that the people around are causing issues for no reason.. i mean are u that jobless to just make problems? it really hurts knowing what is good for you and what will make u feel better and not being able to do it.. it really hurts seeing people you love and will die for do the unthinkable .. and finding it ok.. it really hurts when you want to be free but being held down for no reason.. it really hurts when u want to be alone but people want to inject sadness.. it hurts being stuck in these thoughts..
hii, im 15 all my life ive lived a lie. I lie all the time i hide who i actually am because im scared of being judged. There are so many things in my life that i wish i could take back! i may be young but believe me ive been through ALOT. ive been hurt by the ones closest to me and even by people i barely even know. Sometimes i think about suicde but not to the point of actually doing it. i started smoking when i was in the 6th grade to get away from all the pain, i smokd so much that it stoped effecing me so i started to pop pills or anything i could find in the medicine cabinets. One time i passed out at my schools parking lot, NO ONE NOTICED. i feel as if noone actually cares about me. im surrounded by so many people every day bt nt actuially cared for. im that type of person who would always be there for you no matter what and it jst seemed like people would only talk to me when they needed me then after that i was shacken off the sholder .
I HATE BEING ALONE.
THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER THINGS ABOUT ME THAT NO ONE KNOWS
I NEED HELP
I NEED TO BE LOVED
I WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
Editors Note: You are special. You are beautiful. It’s great you are expressing this. You might want to talk to your guidance counselor at school for help or reach out to get a therapist. Can you ask your mom or dad for help?